Caution: Humor Ahead
So, once again, we’ve been spared the Apocalypse, and find ourselves in the company of relatives ’round the dinner table. For those of you who’ve been kicking around long enough, you’ll remember some of these from 2006. But, ever vigilant for new and updated material, our planet has supplied us with many interesting humorous subjects to avoid.
So here’s a psychologist’s guide to the “Do’s & Don’t’s” of Peak Oil holiday visits and what’s likely to make inappropriate dinner conversation on this and related topics:
(1) “Let’s not argue politics, Fred, the ‘change I can believe in,’ is in my piggy bank.”
(2) “I’d suggest the only way your tanning salon’ll make money this year, Millie, is through a governmental bailout…”
(3) Surveying the room: “Could we think of a more useless crew for that pilgrim ship in today’s world, Little Joey?…a computer programmer, a real estate agent, a lawyer and a stock broker…”
(4) “The only growing industry in banking is a food bank.”
(5) “Let’s be honest, Frank, the beachfront condo you’ll be seeing at retirement is a lawn chair and a wading pool.”
(6) “Don’t knock alcoholism, Betty. Your father bought $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, and has $49.00 to show for it today. Your brother bought $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, and has $33.00. Your “smart uncle” bought $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, has nothing to show for it…On the other hand, I bought $1,000 worth of beer last year, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, and got $214.00. The way I look at it, the best investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. I called it the ’401-Keg plan’.” (heavily borrowed)
(7) “Why not think up a more forward-thinking sociological dissertation, Jill, something like “Comparative Food Rioting Styles in Iceland and the US.”
“But Uncle John, there ARE no food riots in the US.”
“But it will take you a while to write it, Dear. Don’t worry. There will be…”
(8) “Of course your house will rebound in value. A lot of people are gonna need wood to burn…”
(9) Avoid the temptation to sit around watching John Bird (in the guise of investment banker, George Parr) and John Fortune in this painfully funny skit. Even if you’ve seen it before, it’s worth a second viewing, but privately.
Favorites from 2006:
(10) “Kid, there’ll come a time when you wish Santa DID put coal in your stocking…”
(11) “The dog is cute, but hey, it’s useless for protection, and there’s not enough meat on it for nourishment.”
(12) “No, ‘permaculture’ doesn’t mean that the culture is permanent. How long do you think this one’s gonna last?”
Come on now, folks, can’t you contribute a few of your own? What’s about a good line for that relative of yours who’s going to snicker that gasoline prices have dropped? What should you NOT say, (but would like to) that sums up the world of hurt they’ll be awaitin’?