Dear Peak Shrink,
0325, and I can’t sleep. I’ve had a notion about a collapse for nearly 30 years. It’s something that has stuck with me since I was a child, and it seems to be gathering legs now. I am not prepared despite decades of personal capital development….I have a lot of life skills and have had many experiences that will lend well toward survival. However, I’m not prepared mentally for what could possibly befall my tender family. I recently decided to remarry after my first marriage imploded after 9/11. I now have a small baby girl and we live in New York City. I’m tired of living in a target and watching every armageddon scenario begin in my neighborhood. It’s making me paranoid.
It’s incredibly difficult to prepare for any type of disaster in this city. The laws suck, there is no space, money gets stretched thin. I make progress everyday, and it seems to help me mentally, but there are huge gaps in useful literature regarding urban settings beyond the cursory “they’ll get hit the hardest.” It’s disturbing as it makes me think there really isn’t a solution. Unfortunately, simply leaving here isn’t really a viable option today, and I’m starting to feel like I’m quickly running out of time.
I end up swirling through a sort of free radical reaction of paranoia, second-guessing, and wishing things were different. I find that the long emergency ahead is about the only thing I can focus on for any length of time, and all things I do are somehow related to this preparation. It seems to be silently defining me, as I rarely talk about it to anyone. When I do, most people either go off the deep end quickly or just stare at me. It’s been easier to ignore in the past when it seemed to be in the distant future, but the future seems to be unfolding in the now.
Underprepared Urbanite
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Dear UU
“Unfortunately, simply leaving here isn’t really a viable option today…”
Here is the heart of your letter, UU. It is the cornerstone of your poor sleep.
If I told you that NYC would be under water in a week, you’d find leaving a “viable option” because staying would be a “non-viable option.” You are a gambler, and you know it. You’ve been winning the bets so far. The only problem is, the stakes are getting higher, and climbing so much that your baby girl is up for grabs, if you lose. She doesn’t have the time to develop the “life skills” you’ve obtained, and rioters don’t dodge the kids.
The stuff you read about a city like NYC being the target, is because a city is a place where, by definition, is unsustainable. It relies on other places, other resources, outside itself, to survive. Like the child’s poem, when it is good, it is very very good, and when it is bad, it is horrid.
I’m sorry to confirm the difficult fact that just because you are paranoid, doesn’t mean that they aren’t out to get you, as the joke goes.
If you move away, it will be one continuous hassle, I can see that. You may lose money on a condo or you may have no job prospects. You may find that you could have happily lived your current life another four years, no problem, and you will kick yourself that over that time, you would have accumulated more assets to make the transition so much easier for yourself and your family. You are a gambling man, and you may be walking away from a really big win. I know this because, despite having a notion about collapse for nearly 30 years, you chose to construct a life in a place that’s the scene of “every Armageddon scenario,” and then to make the concept of leaving that self-professed dangerous place “non-viable.” There are reasons for the “huge gaps in useful literature regarding [survival in] urban settings,” but instead of bucking up, and looking at those reasons with a steely gaze, you prefer to explain it as a “gap.”
What do you imagine people should say, when you tell them what you know? “Boy, you are right. I’d better change my entire life around in a hurry. Thanks a ton for that info, friend!” You know what you know, and YOU can’t even believe it.
The “long emergency” relates to oil, my friend. Unfortunately, we are facing a “short emergency” related to economic collapse. You are ignoring instincts, and you do so at your own peril. You are gambling that the risks are manageable, but your gut instinct is telling you otherwise.
Good luck.
Kathy
“Peak Shrink”
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Postscript:
I’ve had a number of things happening in my own life, including a badly sprained ankle, a business that has to close, a new household ward struggling against a serious addiction, and a husband who’s crippling headaches have returned. But I have to admit something to you, my Dear Readers: UU’s letter really made me realize how darn lucky I am.
I’m free of the delusion that tomorrow will be brighter than today. I won’t be disappointed if President-Elect Obama doesn’t solve the world’s problems. My goal is to live a life just like those who spoke at a local talk about the Great Depression: They never really knew it was happening. Oh, of course, they read about it in the newspapers, but they lived such a simple life, working only with the basics of growing food, and maintaining a goal of community–free of expectations of government bail-out–that they just went ahead living a life, helping out a troubled neighbor, getting by with even less. Just like the title of a book on the Great Depression: “We had Everything but Money.” As I’m coming up ‘real close and personal’ with that lifestyle, I keep in mind a saying my mother repeated to me over and over: “I cried because I had no shoes. Then, I met a man who had no feet.”
Thank you, UU, for the gift of your letter. It came at the right time for me, just when I started to believe that I had nothing left to say, or that I was so overwhelmed by my own problems, that I had nothing more to give.
And thank you, Shy Wolf, for noticing my silence, and telling me you noticed and felt the loss. Means a lot to me, friend.
About Kathy McMahon
Thank you for your kind words, Kathy. God bless. I pray a brighter day for your husband and his migraines. May your ward find the strength needed to live a life of freedom and joy. Stay off that ankle for a while, ice and heat are healers. May your eyes be opened to a new business that is even more prosperous than the last.
Blessings to you and yours.
Shy
Kathy,
You said:
“If I told you that NYC would be under water in a week, you’d find leaving a “viable option” because staying would be a “non-viable option.””
Well, yes. But under such circumstances, a tent or a homeless shelter would look like a better option than a condo in a city under water.
As it is… If finding a job elsewhere would be difficult or impossible, or alternatively, if you’re in a lot of debt, and leaving the city would mean having to settle for a considerably lower income (with which you could never hope to pay off what you owe), then it isn’t at all clear that leaving the city asap would be the wise thing to do.
Thank you, Shy. These are cluster headaches, sort of a migraine on steroids. Closing one experience opens up another. This, Isis, I suppose, is part of my point.
But a bigger point is that UU is caught between the life decisions he’s made, and the emotional world he inhabits. He writes that he has “capital,” but not “enough.” Yet, internally, he is deeply worried. Intellectually, he is hoping he is wrong. He doesn’t like his alternatives, and wishes, outside himself, that there were a more perfect set of choices. But clearly, he is an intelligent man. He has a partial awareness of his own ruse.
In real estate, people will tell an agent: “I want to live on a mountainside with a view and a lake.” From these choices, they have to choose, not because the agent says so, but because life says so. Another man in a real estate depressed town will say “I hate it here, but I’ll move when real estate values improve.” He may look for evidence of real estate improvement, and his entire attention may be put on this. Should he be told by some “housing prices may not improve for 15 years!” it may upset him, and he might seek other opinions. But the heart of the matter is that he has the emotional desire to leave, but he’s set up an external condition that makes that leaving impossible. This is my point to UU, and I make it firmly, because he is not the only one I am writing to. This is a common dilemma people find themselves in. UU is not mildly bothered. He is sleepless and worried. So worried that he writes to a stranger, a clinical psychologist, who he knows enough to be able to anticipate a particular type of response. He might realize, for example, that I would not suggest he see his physician to get a script for sleeping pills. I would be unlikely to call him “crazy” for being worried about these matters. He does what many of us do when faced with a conflict: we choose those to speak to, and ask advise from, who will, even if unconsciously, support that part of ourselves that relieve the ambivalence, or at least address it.
He might have legitimate reasons for not moving, but his unconscious doesn’t buy it for a minute. It keeps him sleepless, and perhaps, by writing out his worries, he has found some resolution. He may write more to us here. Be clear of one thing, however: the resolution is not to be found in my answer. Who am I to him? The answer is found inside himself, in resolving the tug of war he finds himself in, giving each side a fair hearing, and living with the consequences of his choice.
Here’s some random advice.
In an urban area, it seems to me that your resilience in the face of crisis involves much more interdependence with other humans than it might if you were holed up in a shack in the woods with nothing to keep you company except old LATOC posts and a mountain of canned food.
In an apartment in New York City, you could have all the crisis response kit and skills in the world, and still somewhat rise or fall with your neighbours. Even those of us further out who have the space to grow plenty of veggies need to consider that it’s no use if we’ve got a bountiful garden if our neighbours are starving to death, because even the best of people will come and steal it if it’s life and death for their kids.
So, immediate action is needed to form resilient networks with the people around you, and it’s not easy because they aren’t going to be convinced that there will be anything but business as usual. However, many of the ways which we interact with people to increase our resilience don’t require us to convince them that the end of the world is nigh. Sure, it would be good to be able to sit down with all your neighbours and discuss what to do in the case of food riots, but failing that, there’s still a lot that can be done.
There’s a guy in Australia who throws street parties as a way of solving traffic problems. He found that he’d organise a great big party in some suburban street, and a lot of neighbours would meet for the first time. Following that, he found that traffic moved a good deal slower in that street for the next couple of months. This was because the residents, having found they had a few things in common, were more likely to stop and chat on out the front of their houses, and there would be more kids out the front playing. People on the street, even just on the sidewalk, caused drivers to slow down and lessened accidents.
My point here is that if people know each other via regular social events, it creates a safety net *even if they have never discussed safety together*. So organise ways to meet your neighbours. Have a block party, or a street party. Don’t use it to evangelize, just have a nice time. Follow up with some examples of mutual support. Drop in some shopping for the old lady down the hall, or organise a babysitting swap. Buy several bags of tomatoes when they are in season and invite some neighbours over to make enough spaghetti sauce to last you all over the winter.
This may all be old news to the original writer, but hopefully it will be thought provoking to someone. People are a source of wealth that we can invest our time and energy in just as much as our bank accounts. It’s not about altruism, it’s forward thinking self interest. You don’t need to monitor every personal transaction, but on average you should find that it works out to be mutually beneficial.
All,
Thank you for comments, thoughts, suggestions, and wisdom, and I especially appreciate your input, Kathy. Many thanks, and the sincerity of everybody’s words was unexpected.
I spent the weekend preoccupied with what was written, and sort of marveling at the phenomenon of a virtual community so fixated on this issue. Your response to my email has helped me in getting over a mental hurdle, and it’s a strange sort of comfort knowing the like-minded aren’t so abstract in this portion of the universe. They actually interact, which is foreign to me given the anonymity. I guess that’s what prompted me to write in the middle of the night — throwing a burden into space in a hope of restful sleep.
My leaving NYC is not merely inconvenient, and I really didn’t describe the circumstances in great detail. However, the circumstances don’t really matter if you are living by choice and with a purpose. There is a way through everything if decided. I don’t play the victim’s role, and I’ve never really considered myself a gambler. After some introspection, I’ve found you’re correct. That was a surprise to me. Despite regular outward failures, I don’t ever seem to lose.
I saw the solicitation for peak oil enlightenment/reaction stories on another corner of your website so here’s mine: I came to NYC shortly after 9/11 on a special assignment in support of a unique “counter-terrorism” mission. I had never lived on the east coast, and never lived in a big city for the precise same unsustainabilty reasons you’ve cited.
However, like many people, I was deeply affected by the attack and chose to accept this assignment as the world seemed in disarray. I chose to ride out to meet the threat rather than feel helpless against it. This is not heroic, it’s self-preservation if you’re a person who is not comfortable giving up control of your own life. You are correct that I chose this and constructed this lifestyle myself with the best of intentions, but was unprepared for the effects of unanticipated enlightenment. I guess I thought I knew everything I needed to know at the time, or at least enough to know the missing pieces may be found here. At this point, if you told me NYC would be underwater in a week, I would tell you I am duty bound to ensure a safe evacuation. I’ll make sure my family goes first. I’ll be staying.
My years on this job have been a marathon of watching the sausage get made that forced a personal revolution in April 2006. Since that time, I entered a deep despair, canned my first marriage as a result, and entered an orgy of self-destruction followed soon after by salvation and slow reclamation.
I read a lot, and my bottoming out (and subsequent climb upward) came just before 2007 after reading about the Federal Reserve and consuming every bit of information I could find for 3 sleepless days. This was true enlightenment as the final tumbler seemed to fall and unlock the trove of truth. I finally understood “what was wrong” despite so many years of wondering and feeling that itch on my brain. This combined with everything I’ve learned throughout a lifetime of searching lead me directly to Peak Oil.
I was overwhelmed by all of this, and can’t forget my reaction once it came together. I was alone in my tiny apartment on the floor sobbing. But, the belly-aching eventually stopped as I quickly mourned the loss of ignorance and started executing a plan. Knowledge like this comes with a price.
I came from a rural environment and am comfortable with the skills I’ve acquired as a result. Unlike most people I meet in NYC, I already how to raise chickens, build a fire, and grow a garden. I fix things myself which makes me a distinct oddity here. I’ve made a small fortune picking up trash and converting it to cash. Money is littering the streets of New York…..a digression. As a result, I’ve been able to eliminate over $105K worth of personal debt and adopt a lifestyle that increasingly does not rely on city infrastructure. This is a very difficult task that requires a great commitment.
I’ve been afflicted with an unnatural curiosity and a dangerous assumption that I could do anything I wanted so long as I worked hard enough. The former I was born with, the latter I acquired from my parents. This drove me out of the hole to see first-hand what all the fuss is about. Despite the math coming up with the same solution every time, you’re right…I still can’t believe it. I’m like you, though, in that I have abandoned hope for a solution.
I think it’s an outstanding idea to bond with neighbors within my community, and I appreciate the “random” advice. It is thought provoking to the original writer, and shall be well-heeded. One issue I have is trust, which I would probably do well to extend. My neighborhood is starting to go to shit, and my occasional confrontation level is increasing. There are more police on my block, and they are there as a result of rapidly spiking crime rates in my neighborhood.
Staying here is a huge gamble. Leaving here is a huge gamble as well as I have sworn an oath that comes with an arrest warrant if broken, thus throwing my family away. That’s not my only motivation, of course. I do feel an obligation to protect those that are defenseless. If the world consists mainly of sheep, I am a sheepdog. Reminds me of something my father has always told me, “when somebody asks for help, you help them.” I understand the human world is fragile and can be terribly hostile for those people whom are weakened during crisis. I am morally bound to change that because I’m in a unique position to actually help. Yet, the creation of a family is an important part of my personal bid for the future and my personal salvation. It is a giant leap of faith and defiant of reason. It makes me feel human. I know it’s selfish, but it’s here, and I am struggling. I am doing my level best to create a worthy world for my daughter void of fear and stupidity. Hence, the 0325 letter to strangers in an attempt to tap every resource I may have yet to consider.
I wish you good fortune dealing with your own struggle, but I am immensely grateful for this forum. I don’t believe in coincidence. Thank you for saying the things most people would never tell me.
Glad to see you back in action, Kathy. I was missing your regular updates.
UU,
I’m always left humbled by a follow-up letter like yours. I put out there what I take from what I read, but, (as all of you might suspect by now) it is just my own take. We psychologists aren’t in possession of any magical powers, and we can be dead wrong. So I often go out on a limb, saying what I feel, struggling to make what I say “real” and from the gut.
I did adore the comment “if people are sheep, I’m a sheepdog” because truly, that comes from a man who knows what he wants and has cast his lot. Good for you! My Dad was a sheepdog, regularly going into 3 alarm fires where the neighbors threw bottles at him because he was “the man.” No matter, he risked his life because that was his job.
The benefits of knowing what you are committed to is that you are willing to take the hard knocks for the payoffs. Most people can’t imagine being that committed to anything. I salute you, and will pray for you through what’s coming. May you remain agile, keep up the target practice, and have someone who will always watch your back. And just in case, do find a place in the country somewhere for your family, where you, yourself, can go, if it gets to the point where no one gives a rat’s ass whether anyone “stays” or “goes.”
I, too, suffer from an unnatural curiosity, so if you want to give me a clue about who puts a bounty on a public servant, please forward me an email (confidentially, of course). If it’s better I don’t know, I’ll understand…
jade,
Thanks for your kind words. You both can’t imagine how grateful I am for the “‘atta gal!”